What I Did Not Wear to Watch Women’s Diving

 

Holly Fulton Jungle Fever dress

Darlings, I have a small confession to make.  There was a time when I dreamed of flipping and twisting through the air and into the water like an aquatic gymnast.  While I left my Speedo at home, I still wanted to wear something reminiscent of all those hours I logged in the pool.  After much contemplation, I selected Holly Fulton’s Jungle Fever dress.  The dress’ exotic blues and greens shimmered in the light of the Aquatics Centre, and for a moment I could pretend that Olympic glory would be mine.

The Hotel I Am Not Staying At

The London Mal

Oh, my darlings, I am positively exploding with glee for the start of the Olympics!  It is a pity one has to wait every two years to see the world’s hottest men I mean top athletes gathered in one place.  The Hotel I Am Not Staying At is the London Mal, a former asylum turned boutique hotel.  A delightful red-brick Victorian building with rooms featuring Egyptian cotton duvets and luxury toiletries, the London Mal is just the place for the start of my Olympic adventures.

What I Did Not Wear to Paris Fashion Week

Matches

Paris is one of my favorite cities, and there is no better excuse to visit than Paris fashion week.  After all, the best way to see Paris is through the intoxicating flash of paparazzi.  Oh, excuse me.  I mean street style photographers.  The Dress I Did Not Wear is the exquisite Stella McCartney Renoir strapless peplum dress.  This stunning little black dress with its body conscious silhouette and peplum detail would surely be approved by Mademoiselle, non?

What I Did Not Wear To Wimbledon

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When choosing what to wear to one of the world’s most famous sporting events, one can be tempted to play it safe.  Throwing caution to the wind, I overcame this temptation and opted for something a little more glamorous.  The dress I did not wear is Alexander McQueen’s patterned knitted dress with a decedent baroque design.  The emerald green was just the thing to bring out the color of my eyes while the cut of the dress shows off my tennis toned arms and legs.  A certain duchess was, also, seen wearing McQueen – a safe and sweet pleated number everyone has seen before.  Now tell me, isn’t the unexpected so much better?

The Bag I Do Not Carry

The Row

 The great thing about being obscenely rich is that one never has to think about money.  Money is like air or water or fortune cookies with Chinese takeout.  It exists to be taken for granted.  Despite money having no meaning to me whatsoever, I know that there are others less fortunate than me.  Like the Olsen twins.  The poor dears have been forced to work for a living since they were wee babies.  And, remember that horrible homeless, bag lady stage?  I could not wish that on my worst frenemy.  So, I am doing my part to help them by selecting their Multi Patchwork Fur Back Pack as my latest Bag I Do Not Carry.  Yes, I am aware that my previous selection was also from The Row.  But look at this furry monstrosity!  The Olsens are suffering and need my money!

The Shoes I Am Not Wearing

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Oh, my darlings, it has been simply ages since my last post.  I’ve been caught up in a whirlwind of champagne and paparazzi leaving me with no time to document my fabulous fake rich life.  However, I simply had to take a moment out of my busy schedule to tell you about The Shoes I Am Not Wearing.  Perhaps you have noticed that sneaker wedges are now the domain of Pretty Young Things everywhere?  This pair by Chloé is my absolute favorite.  Pale-gray suede and white watersnake never looked so sporty!

What I Am Not Wearing To The Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant

Darlings, this weekend is the start of the celebration of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.  Festivities abound from concerts to exhibits, but what I am most excited about is the Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant.  Rumor has it that it will be one of the largest flotillas ever assembled on this infamous river.  Between musical barges and men in uniform, the event will be a magnificent sight to behold.

This occasion obviously calls for something nautical so The Dress I Am Not Wearing is an Yves Saint Laurent printed cotton and silk blend dress which I have paired with a complimentary Yves Saint Laurent Cabas Chyc woven linen and leather tote and matching Repetto BB patent-leather ballet flats. The final touch is the Eugenia Kim Bianca embellished straw fedora for that carefree je ne sais pas.

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